Rough Week

Last week was rough, I had a ton of pain. It was the kind of pain that was unbearable and pain meds didn't even touch it. I was preparing to sell my crafts at a craft sale so I was doing a lot of last minute prep which apparently caused pain. I guess too much sitting on a wood kitchen chair and using all my joints and getting up and down from the floor. It's a little disappointing since I was doing so great and thought maybe I was past the really bad stuff. When the joint pain and swelling start to set in again then I start to wonder if it will truly ever be gone. Maybe that's the damage I will have forever because it took so long to be diagnosed? Maybe it's because I am still having trouble with babesia? Not too sure, but it sure was nice when it was gone.

Today I am finally feeling more like myself with much less pain. Last night I had some pretty intense uterus pain so trying to figure that out but overall I am feeling much better. A lot of lymies have a 3-4 week cycle were their lyme flares up for about a week and then they are back to their average self. I never had that but the last two months are proving differently. I would rather not fall into that category! ;-) I have my injection today and appointment with my local lyme doc so I will be back on with an update!

I Won't Give Up

• I won't give up on life
• I won't give up on treatment
• I won't give up on my family
• I won't give up on all the things I believe in

Because in the end, I will have a healthier, stronger, more satisfying life. This disease has changed me for the better. I think anyone going through a big struggle in life, or should I say many big struggles in life, becomes a better person. You learn so much on your journey. You see things differently than before-you cheer when you can step out of bed onto the wood floor and NOT be in extreme pain, you cheer when you can walk into Target and not have to crouch down in order to avoid passing out, you cheer when you haven't had a panic attack in many months, you cheer when you wake up and you aren't drowning in night sweats, you cheer when you can keep up with your kid, you cheer when you can make it through the day or week with out a nap, you cheer when you can sleep all the way through the night, you cheer when you can go out on a date with your husband and survive the night, you cheer when you have friends that will stick around through the good times AND the bad! You cherish every little thing you have ever taken for granted in your life before you became sick. You can either drown, or survive. I choose to fight to survive. I choose to look up even if the sky looks rough. I am learning who I am again, god knows I am tough! These may seem like little things but to me they are big, it means I can start living again and I can see the good things. I am not always able to, but for today at least, I am looking at the good things and I WON'T GIVE UP.

I feel like this song was meant for me, it's so fitting and I love it

Bartonella Treatment=A Lot of Die Off!!

Just a little update-I am on a higher dose of my bartonella treatment now and feeling it! I have horrendous head and neck pain, which includes-head, face, teeth, ears, neck. And upper back is very tight too. I didn't notice how tight until my chiro and massage therapist started pushing around on me. The worst is where my head connects to my neck. Horrible pain and not much has helped since Friday. I have been trying different pain meds and so far Advil seems to be the best one. I have been following doctors orders and rotating heat and ice and detoxing, still no relief. I had a short lived break from the pain when I went and got a 1/2hr massage but it was short lived and the pain came back worse. It usually kicks in full force when it's time to take another dose of my meds and they kick in. I was posting on facebook and a friend mentioned she uses icy hot a lot. I didn't even think of it, but I have a natural version of it called Biofreeze. I rolled that on my neck this morning and it helped a lot!

All the pain is herxing-so much die off at once in my body that it turns into toxicity and pain. There isn't a whole I can do other than detoxing as much as I can and trying to find what works best for the pain. It's part of treatment, not fun but I don't want to stop the treatment. I want these bugs OUT of me! I start Bicillin injections on Friday so I will keep you updated on that also!

The Attitude for Gratitude

It's so easy to get lost in the world of Chronic Disease. There is something everyday, all day. Pain, head aches, dizziness, insomnia, weakness, nausea, drugs, etc and it's so easy to just fall into that routine and zone out and be depressed about it and let it take over your life.

I feel like I was put in my place tonight and it was needed. Someone told me-you are waiting for your life to start. This is a chronic disease and we need to figure out how to live with it. People can live their entire life with chronic pain. When she said that, all I could think and say was-no, I am waiting for my life to end. Then I thought, oh my god, I am waiting for my life to end. I am so sucked into this grueling disease that I am truly just waiting for it to take my life. Just as simple as that.

And I guess I really am waiting for my life to begin. But the fact is, it has already begun. It's just not the life I wished for. If I am going to survive this disease then I need to start living as if my life matters and try really hard to move forward and not let this disease take control of me or my life. Easier said than done!! Between the physical pain and the effects and the mental pain and the effects of lyme and treatment it's hard enough just getting out of bed in the morning. If I didn't have my daughter or husband, I wouldn't be here. And even with them it sure is hard to stay here (alive) sometimes. It really truly is the most grueling, physically, emotionally draining and depleting disease and can completely take over your life in a flash. It's hard to get through it to say the least.

Having said that, I have so many things to be thankful for and I am much better off than a lot of my lyme friends. I just need to remember that when I am beyond depressed and in a dark hole. I need to focus on gratitude. I have so many friends, family, new lyme friends, support groups, on-line groups, ect. I think the key is to make sure you have that support so it isn't so lonely. So, that's my goal. Trying really hard to focus on the ATTITUDE FOR GRATITUDE!

Full Force and Feeling It!

I am back on Mepron the yucky yellow paint med again. So breakfast is my mepron, my pile of pills and something high fat which is usually almond butter because most other fattening things gross me out.

Today has been up and down but as I write this it's more down. I feel nasty sick! I took all my doses as normal, took my 2 doses of mepron, went to the chiro to get adjusted and then decided to drink some kombucha....bad, bad choice. This is only the 2nd time I have tried kombucha since I always forget to drink it. Usually when I go to the chiro, more toxins get released from being adjusted. So I figured kombucha would help me detox and even me out more. Boy was I wrong! It's making me herx instead. So I am herxing from mepron, herxing from the kombucha and there is a lot of die off floating around from being released at the chiro. My body is over loaded and not happy with me. I feel like I need to puke, I am in a lot of pain all over, my head feels like its going to explode and my face feels the same. I am hoping an epsom salt bath will pull some of these toxins OUT!

This & That

I am still herxing a lot and having a rough time. Mostly at night and on the weekends, for the most part I can keep it together during work hours. The massive heat index does not help any and makes me feel really sick so I do my best to stay out of it. Pain is still here but it gets much, much worse at night. Bone, muscle, joint, head aches, etc. It really is almost every inch of my body. The head aches are horrible, it's my entire head, then travels down into my jaw, then to teeth and down the back of my neck. In fact as I write this I am in a really large amount of pain. Probably shouldn't be on the computer! A new herx for me is what feels like electrical currents shooting through my body, mostly my head. It is so very painful and you pray it's a fast one. The ones in my head are the most painful. There is a lot of die off happening which means there is a lot of toxicity floating around in my body that I need to try and get out. I am taking a break from my sauna for now because I herx too badly and it effect my lungs and lung tissue too much right now and would like to stay out of the ER ;-) Lord knows we lymies end up there too often. So I am sticking to epsom salt baths, dry brushing, lemon water and acupuncture for now. I always do all of the above but the salt baths, normally I would do the sauna. I haven't worked up the courage to do coffee enemas but I know a ton of people that do them and say it works great!

Salon visits are no longer enjoyable. I went to get my hair highlighted tonight and was just in pain the whole time. An hour and a half of someone pulling your hair, putting you under a very hot dryer when you are already hot, washing your hair and rubbing(more like scraping) your head with her very long finger nails and then doing it again with conditioner, then brushing and more pulling, a very hot hair dryer that kept burning my very sensitive scalp and blowing it right in my ears, hot iron and done. I was very thankful it was over. By the end I had a raging head ache, my scalp hurt and I wanted out of there! Pre-Lyme treatment I loved going to the salon, now not so much! At least my hair color is nice!

Emotionally it has been hard lately. I can feel the die off happening in my head, which isn't pleasant. I am so drained and tired but can't fall asleep so always lacking energy the next work day, I can only sleep in one day a week if my hubby gets up with the 4yr old because we are working the other 6 days, foggy, dyslectic, very weak, easily depressed because it feels never ending, etc, etc. I could go on and on. Had enough complaining?! I am just doing what I am supposed to be doing and trying to get through it all and try to be a good wife, mother, friend and business owner I can be.

Lyme Herxing