Feeling Sorry For Myself But Hopeful At The Same Time

There is a lot going on in my life right now. Our house is listed right now as a short sale and there is no way around filing for bankruptcy. We were planning on moving this summer into my husbands Grandmothers house even if our house hadn't sold to make it easier to transition our 5yr old into kindergarten across town. Even with all of this we are still struggling with finances from all of my treatments and appointments. We have decided to move now and to save even more money on what we are paying on our current house. So here we are, packing the house up and moving loads over to grandma's house. It's incredibly frustrating to be loosing everything we have worked so hard to get and have to live with family. It's very odd to go back to not owning a house and not knowing what you are allowed to do. Can I paint? Can you use the detergent we use so I don't get sick from the perfume one you use and break out in hives? Can we mouse proof the cupboards? Is the bathroom usable? Can you prove we are living here so my kid can get into the school we want her in? So many things. Don't feel like an adult right now much less a mother or wife that can provide for her family.

BUT I have to be thankful, I have to look at the positives or the guilt, depression, anxiety will eat me alive. I am ALIVE, I am getting better, I am doing this to heal, I am thankful we have family that will take us in so we aren't out on the street, I am thankful for my friends and family that keep cheering us on, and am thankful for all of the people that remind me of the positive things. It's hard to see it when you feel like you are buried in all of this and you can't breathe. I need to look for the sunshine in all of this and keep fighting, it's too easy to give up and almost everyone in my life would tell you I do NOT take the easy way out and I DON'T like to give up. So here I am, fighting, fighting for many things in my life--and I don't plan to stop. Just remind me of the sunshine on the dark days!

SafetySuit - These Times

My sister sent me this video. I think it's very fitting for most of us in the lyme community. BUT-- "It Will Pass"

"We'll Watch Over You" by Rob Shaver (Lyric Video)

I have had a bad couple of days and music always makes me feel better and grounds me. This was written for a local high school hockey player that was paralyzed during a game. I think it's fitting for the chronically ill also. Enjoy!

Rough Week

Last week was rough, I had a ton of pain. It was the kind of pain that was unbearable and pain meds didn't even touch it. I was preparing to sell my crafts at a craft sale so I was doing a lot of last minute prep which apparently caused pain. I guess too much sitting on a wood kitchen chair and using all my joints and getting up and down from the floor. It's a little disappointing since I was doing so great and thought maybe I was past the really bad stuff. When the joint pain and swelling start to set in again then I start to wonder if it will truly ever be gone. Maybe that's the damage I will have forever because it took so long to be diagnosed? Maybe it's because I am still having trouble with babesia? Not too sure, but it sure was nice when it was gone.

Today I am finally feeling more like myself with much less pain. Last night I had some pretty intense uterus pain so trying to figure that out but overall I am feeling much better. A lot of lymies have a 3-4 week cycle were their lyme flares up for about a week and then they are back to their average self. I never had that but the last two months are proving differently. I would rather not fall into that category! ;-) I have my injection today and appointment with my local lyme doc so I will be back on with an update!

Good Lyme Disease update