Friday, January 27, 2012

I Won't Give Up

  • I won't give up on life
  • I won't give up on treatment
  • I won't give up on my family
  • I won't give up on all the things I believe in
Because in the end, I will have a healthier, stronger, more satisfying life. This disease has changed me for the better. I think anyone going through a big struggle in life, or should I say many big struggles in life, becomes a better person. You learn so much on your journey. You see things differently than before-you cheer when you can step out of bed onto the wood floor and NOT be in extreme pain, you cheer when you can walk into Target and not have to crouch down in order to avoid passing out, you cheer when you haven't had a panic attack in many months, you cheer when you wake up and you aren't drowning in night sweats, you cheer when you can keep up with your kid, you cheer when you can make it through the day or week with out a nap, you cheer when you can sleep all the way through the night, you cheer when you can go out on a date with your husband and survive the night, you cheer when you have friends that will stick around through the good times AND the bad! You cherish every little thing you have ever taken for granted in your life before you became sick. You can either drown, or survive. I choose to fight to survive. I choose to look up even if the sky looks rough. I am learning who I am again, god knows I am tough! These may seem like little things but to me they are big, it means I can start living again and I can see the good things. I am not always able to, but for today at least, I am looking at the good things and I WON'T GIVE UP.

I feel like this song was meant for me, it's so fitting and I love it

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Are My Eye's Open?

I have been fighting a lot of fatigue this week. I think it's herxing and coming across and being SO tired, worn out, drained, can't keep my eyes get the point. My poor husband has had to take care of morning routine with my daughter for quiet some time now. I don't hear my alarm AT ALL! I just stopped setting it so my hubby wouldn't have to get up and walk across the room to turn it off. Before I got sick things were totally flip flopped. I was always the one that heard the kiddo and had to pry him out of bed. I guess it's his turn now ;-)

These are they times I wish my daughter still took a nap. Sometimes I put her in her room for quiet time but it normally doesn't last too long. Sometimes I just can't fight it and take a nap while she is playing in her room. I have no idea if she took a nap, but I got a nice one in! I don't feel comfortable doing that most of the time though, I would like to keep my house standing!!

Overall I am still doing pretty good, especially if I look back to when I started treatment. That felt like the end of the world! Literally felt like I was dying. Now it's smaller things that get on my nerves because I have been on treatment so long and I get annoyed I am not done yet. Overall I have had much more energy since I started my Bicillin injections. Even though my husband may think otherwise, I think my memory is slowly improving. I can keep up with my daughter more and can have more of a structured day again with her.

Some things I would like to see improvements on. Since I stopped Mepron my bone and joint pain is back. It feels like deep bone pain and normally pain meds don't touch the pain. I am also battling night sweats, which is really getting old. Both very clear evidence that Babesia is still hanging on and we need to kick it's butt!! Not sure what's in store for me but have been trying to figure this out with both my in town doc and out of state doc. Hoping to start something soon for this. I am getting nervous, I see my out of state doc early May and he said a while back that he thinks I will make big strides by the time I see him. I am not where I would like to be and it's only 3 months away ahhhh!!! I am sure I will be on treatment for a while yet but I am glad that I am seeing improvements and able to function. We will see what the new meds will bring!!

Monday, January 23, 2012

Make the “Double Pinkie Swear Promise” Suicide Prevention

"Lyme Disease is such a devastating disease. It is so easy to become isolated and desperate with the never ending symptoms that Lyme Disease causes. Not to mention the abandonment of friends and family, and the rejection of the medical community. If you are feeling this way please reach out. There are lots of groups that can help. It can be hard to reach out, or even embarrassing. But those are NOTHING compared to the loss that your family and friends will feel if they lose you. So please reach out to others. Other Lymies will understand. I’ts okay to feel lonely, depressed, angry, or alone. These are real feelings just as happiness, joy, and all those are. But remember this is an infection in your brain making you feel this way. It may be just temporary. Try to hold on. You never know what is around the corner."

Click HERE to read the rest of the article.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Cleaning, Cleaning, Cleaning and Painting

I had a rough week a couple of weeks ago but I finally feel like that has lifted and now I am feeling pretty good! Our house is on the market now since we cant't afford it on one income so that means showings. I was up until 2am last night and cleaned and painted with a friend until 1:00am. This morning my husband and I cleaned up the rest of what was left for the agent to come over to take pictures of the inside. I have never cleaned so much in a short period of time, even when I was healthy. Today I would say I am only as sore as the average out of shape person would be. This is HUGE. I am not dying of massive pain, how crazy and great is that!! It means I am making big improvements!!!! Next on the list--starting working out again, very slowly of course!

Monday, January 16, 2012

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Appointment Update

Had my local lyme appointment today. I have been feeling pretty darn good overall the past 2 weeks so we are going to leave things as is for a bit to give me a break before adding anything else in! Great news!!! I have been gradually loosing some of my horrible symptoms over the past 2 months so I am getting there! So great!! My out of town doc thinks I will make really good progress by summer! Yay, bring it on!