Thursday, July 26, 2012

Joint pain-Lyme or Damage?

Joint pain was one of my first symptoms 5 years ago, one day I woke up in a lot of pain and my fingers frozen in the claw position. I couldn't pick my baby up out of her crib, I couldn't unscrew her bottles, it was hard to zip things, button things, snap things, etc.  It just got worse from there and my body would add more and more symptoms as time went on and on until a doc FINALLY diagnosed me with Lyme Disease along with the co-infections Babesia and Bartonella. Fast forward 5 years and 2 years of treatment and my body is in a much better place. I normally don't have joint pain anymore unless I push it. So which is it? Lyme disease or permanent damage from going so long with out being diagnosed and treated? I often wonder this. According to one of my lyme docs my Lyme and Bartonella are in remission and I just have Babesia left. This one has been the hardest on my body and hard to treat and get rid of. So when I over do it and my joints hurt, is it the babesia? Maybe my joints will always hurt and get sore when I am more active. If I do a lot of sewing or crafting, I am sore. If I walk a long ways, I am sore. If I work out, I am sore. Maybe I am just not active enough? Maybe babesia is hanging on? Or maybe that is how it will always be. Its frustrating not knowing. At least it isn't as bad as it was 5 years ago. I just hope that one day it will totally be gone and there are no lingering effects of Lyme and I will be in total remission.

Friday, July 6, 2012


Impending doom fills the air

The fog takes over your brain

It is thick like sludge

Your thoughts slow down

You feel stuck in between two worlds

The toxicity takes over

You can’t think

You can’t focus

You are no longer thinking like a person

You are thinking like the monster that has taken over your brain

You want out

It doesn’t matter how

You want to be alone

But know you shouldn’t be

You want to run, but the monster will follow you

You want it to end

Even if the end is truly the end

You know you need to surround yourself with those that care

You don’t want to, but force yourself to

The disease can’t win

You are stronger than that

You are strong

You will beat this

You will fight like you always fight

You are strong