Monday, February 28, 2011

Lyme Disease Treatment Controversy

Lyme on the Brain

Lyme can effect every part of your body including your brain. A lot of people don't talk about it for fear they will be judged, loose their job, loose their friends or family and many other reasons. A blog friend of mine was brave enough to write about it and I think it's an important thing for people to read. Please read her blog entry--

Lyme in the Brain
This post isn't very exciting or happy for that matter. It is one that I need to write however just to get rid of some of the junk floating around inside of me. It is also one that I will wonder if I should even make public. I realize though that one you have a choice to read this and second it is the truth. This is my reality and the reality for a lot of other lymies. It wasn't until more recently that I really began to understand how much this disease can and does mess with your head. Besides the forgetfulness, ADD and brainfog type symptoms it really can begin to mess with your emotions and feelings. I realize now when people close to me have commented on how I have changed..."You never used to be so impatient" or "You always used to be happy and now you never seem to be happy" that the lyme disease has gotten to my brain. I know it must be easy from the outside looking in to think that I am blaming everything on lyme. Well is some ways I am but it is only because that is the reality of this disease. It can get to every organ, tissue and system in your body. Nothing is off limits. I have had some really rough times as a mom feeling so guilty and ashamed for my outbursts and yelling at my kids. I could never understand where these frustrated feelings would come from. It is a very real feeling that builds up inside of me so quickly and I just lose it. I have done it over the phone to credit card people, in the Verizon store, at my husband. I have embarrassed him on at least a few occasions for losing my temper. It is a very out of control feeling. After learning more about this disease and hearing from other lyme patients I realize that those episodes were what is known as Lyme Rage. I haven't had it nearly as much but in the last week or two it has come creeping back. I would just rather not be around anyone for fear they may push my buttons. On top of this and it seems most often when I am in this state of mind I am most prone to depression. I do not believe I will need to take medication for this. I just need to get rid of the lyme. However, if you have never been depressed, it can be a very dark place. These are the moments when I have literally fallen on the floor, sobbing and screaming at God to fix this, to take me out of the pit I am in because I didn't know what would happen if it went any further. I am so thankful God has rescued me each time. Then I get to this place where I almost feel nothing. That happened this morning. I couldn't figure out what to do. I needed to go the store but I needed to figure out if I even had money to get what I needed or I guess wanted. I wanted to get a coffee but knew I shouldn't spend my last few bucks on that. I ended up sitting in my truck in a parking lot listening to the radio unable to make a decision on anything. I eventually ended up back at home without spending a penny. I just can't seem to make up my mind about simple things and everything becomes a big deal. I need to eat but I am not really hungry and nothing sounds good so it would be easier to just avoid that. But if I don't eat I can't take me medicine which means I am prolonging getting better. It just becomes almost anxiety producing to have to think about anything. I would rather just stay in bed under the covers until this passes. Not the way my life works. It is very hard to explain this to someone including my husband. I think most people with this disease or even people with depression would tell you it is very hard to explain. It is not just a matter of getting over it, thinking positive and it will all be okay. Very aggravating and something I hope has big improvements when I am all done with this and that any phases of this that I experience while I am getting better will be short. Just know that in this state of mind everything around me is very overwhelming and don't expect me to make a decision on anything. With that being said, I really don't want to discuss it but will just ask for a little understanding and a lot prayers. Thanks.
By Jessica

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Out and About

Isn't this what you keep in your purse when you go to the mall?! 5 liquids and drops, a handful of pills, dissolving tablets for under your tongue, table spoon for measuring, purchase water, ask for extra cup so you can put liquids in with the correct amount of water. When ever I have to go somewhere and I know it's going to take a while or I know it will be around when I will have to take my next dose, this is what I take with me. It's a good thing I have a big purse, it's darn heavy with all of that in there! This time I had to run to the mall to pick up a couple things. The time before that was at a restaurant after my husbands broomball game. I definitely get some weird looks when I am sitting there measuring out all my drops and liquids. I wonder what they think I am doing...witch craft?! :-)

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Numb & Shaking

Last night and this morning weren't the best for Lyme. I went to a couple stores last night with a friend, I felt tired but otherwise felt pretty good. I decided to go home afterwards instead of pushing my luck. But once at home and in bed I couldn't sleep. My legs started to go numb and then somewhat traveled up my body. I finally fell asleep at 3am and only got 5 hours of sleep before I had to start my day today. Today I felt fine beside tired. Had to go get hubby's car fixed so took 2 cars across town so we could go get things done in one while the other was in the shop. I am so, so tired but it has to be done. Once we got to a restaurant for lunch I started to I was shaking really bad, I have only shaked that badly twice now and my body stared to go numb. Started at my legs again and traveled up until my entire body was pretty numb. Then I felt out of it and spacey which of course then triggers major anxiety because my body is freaking out, very uncomfortable and there isn't anything I can do about it. I speed eat in hopes it will help, it took a long time but the shaking finally stopped and the feeling in my body started to come back. What was that?! A herx, maybe. Maybe waited too long to eat. Maybe my body was reacting to not enough sleep and having to force myself into a busy day. It's a very scary feeling to have absolutely no control over what happens to my body and how or when the Lyme and Co-infections decide to attack me. I am doing everything I am supposed to so lets hope it was a herx and things are dieing in there! Next time I can't sleep like that I am taking a melatonin pill!!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

A Good Sauna Report!

Usually the sauna makes me feel like crap, like I have a horrible case of the flu. But I know its working and its helping to kill off the bugs. I have been really toxic this week so I got in the sauna last night. I actually felt better!!!!! WOW! Thats never happened before, I felt much better after and so far today I dont feel sick! Awesome!!!!!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Gluten is the devil!!!!

I wasn't feel too bad last night so I went out with my hubby and some friends after their broomball game. I was being really careful and ordered a sandwich with out the bread or cheese so I could aviod the gluten and dairy like I am supposed to. Apparently one of the meat items had gluten because I am so sick today. Ugh, so miserable and not a happy camper that food can do this to a person. I had to cancel an interview today because of it. Grrrrrrr. Guess that's why I was itchy after I ate too. This disease can kiss my ass!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Co-infection rashes

My almost 4 yr old is itching like crazy today from rashes. I get them too, not fun!