Thursday, June 17, 2010

The joy of guilt and anger

I am guessing I am not the only one our there with Lyme that feels guilty and angry a lot. Between working full time and being a mom thats where all my energy goes. By the end of the day I am absolutely drained and could go to bed at 6 or 7pm. I feel guilty I cant keep up with the house work, the laundry piles are massive, the outside looks terrible, you cant see the carpet in the living room due to all the toys and book and whatever else my 3yr old gets into, everything is thrown down that basement stairs that I cant get to so the rest of the house doesnt totally look like a disaster zone. I am able to sanitize and clean for the daycare areas and thats it; even that is hard for me but it has to be done! I am defiantly not keeping up (sorry daycare families)but I am trying my best. With the hubby back to working two jobs its hard for him to keep up around here too. He is tired and needs to spend quality time with the 3yd old. I feel bad my husband has to pick up all the slack around here because I just cant do it. The 3yr old gets shipped to grandmas a lot because by Friday I can hardly function and she needs to get some quality attention. At least she likes it!! Feel guilty about the cost. Its is incredibly expensive for the treatments and doctors visits, none of it is covered by insurance. My family has to sacrifice because of all the costs, very frustrating!! Its so easy to get low about it all and get angry at all the doctors I saw that never figured it out and how long I had to suffer before figuring it out and how it has attacked my body and been slowly killing me for years now. But I am thankful to have an answer finally and can work on getting better.

At least today I dont feel too bad. Just really worn down. Its a nice day out, the kids are enjoying it and watching and playing with them always makes me feel better! AT least I can still say I have a job, a house, and two vehicles. A lot of Lyme people cant say that.

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